Egads, what a lapse. One of the most striking things about the holiday season was a trip to Chicago. Dropping our usual routine of skiing on Christmas Eve and celebrating with our family, we decided it was past due that we make the trek back to to Chicago and visit the extended family. Aunt Carroll, Grammy, and Uncle Da-Da are getting older and the cousins hadn't seen one another in years. It was dependent on Jamie, because we couldn't leave him in Richmond for Christmas. Fortunately, he decided to come with all of us in the minivan on December 23rd.
Betsy graciously let us stay in her home; Martha and me in the basement, Chris and Patrick in a spare bedroom and Nathan in with little 4 year old Teddy; who proved to be somewhat obnoxious. Jamie stayed with Allison and her boyfriend in her apartment.
On Christmas Eve we went up to Aunt Carroll's where she hosted my side of the family. The family X-mas is not as glorious as it once was, with piles of presents and extravagant frills. But it did have a more 'fun' element, and even though - or maybe because - gift-giving is limited to 'white-elephants' there is less pressure and more openness talk and enjoyment of one another. In that regard, it was heart-warming to see an interest by all the cousins in getting to know and appreciate one another. They are all very different and don't really know each other. But they know they have a connection and are making the effort to strengthen it.
I was especially proud of my sons during the evening. They exhibited a self-confidence and solidarity that made both Martha and me proud. Regardless of their achievements individually in contrast with their cousins (and they still have many) they seemed to demonstrate a more developed sense of confidence. And it was clear that they had a strong bond with one another.
We had the same experience on Christmas Day at Betsy's the following day - though in a slightly different context. During the day Chris went to visit with Jamie and Allison at her place. I took a walk with Patrick and Nate (they on their new skateboards) along the lake behind Northwestern University. It was blissful. Not too cold. Christmas Day. No obligations - no expectations. Everyone off. I luxuriated in the opportunity to savor the moment looking out over the lake with my sons.
As the evening developed we were joined by Aunt Maxine and her daughter Mary, Martha's cousin. I was extremely proud of my sons as they dutifully introduced themselves and engaged with an elderly relative. Their cousins, however, did not conduct themselves well. Allison got upset with her sister and stormed out of the house, boycotting Christmas dinner. And Carolyn closeted herself in her room without seeming to understand her obligation to be part of a family dinner -- and abruptly left when she was finished eating. (If our boys had done either of those things, we would have chewed them out).
The following day - the 26th - we met my brother Tom, Jerry and Matt for lunch in downtown Evanston. We then went to the Shedd Aquarium - though because we borrowed season tickets from Michelle only Patrick, Nate and I ended up going. Martha went to a Starbucks with her Uncle Dave. We met them later and they dropped me off at Catch 35 where I met Michael Pelletier. It was a somewhat controversial meeting because of the bitter divorce between him and Betsy. For the most part we just caught up with each other's lives, the kids activities and compared notes on experiences and perspectives. We have a lot of similarities in outlook -- especially in how to handle the kids issues -- and he remains, in my opinion, a good and decent fellow.
After leaving Michael, I walked over the Hubbard to meet Jamie at Andy's Jazz Club. Jamie was late, but when he showed up we sat at the bar, had a couple beers and had a wonderful conversation. It's a great pleasure to begin to connect with him as an adult. I'm become more proud of how he's approaching his life.
Since we were leaving early the next morning, Martha and Betsy decided to comedown and pick us up.
Early the next morning - the 27th - we hit the road back to Virginia; a 13+ hour odyssey. While we'd expected to the trip to be difficult, filled with bickering and trouble, it actually turned into a warm bonding experience between the us and the boys - and them with each other. Maybe it was the shared challenge of facing the relatives or the contrast with their cousins; but we came away feeling much more solid as a family unit.
