Developments

Over the past month we've seen school start, the routine and task list begin with new developments for new ages. Chris and I took a trip down to Christopher Newport University in Newport News. It's very new, very clean and very grand. It's also very staid and sterile. We both pretty quickly noticed that it's also fairly conservative and preppy. If VCU is the edgy end of the VA college spectrum, this is the other end. No tatoos, piercings and even sloppy bulletin boards. Just a lot of izods, docksiders and skirts. So much for that one. Early November we visit Radford and Longwood.

Setting the stage for an exciting school year, Nathan made the 'travel' basketball team, which is the top team. He's thrilled and we're proud. In the short term, he's playing both hockey and basketball. He also needs to realize that he'll no longer be the star of the team, but that playing with better players will make him better. He also continues to take drum and band lessons.

Patrick has just begun taking voice and acting lessons from Dolly Stevens, which together with his piano and band lessons puts him on a solid musical track. Dolly has also just announced that the middle school play will be "Annie," which Patrick should have a good shot at joining. For his 14th birthday, I got him most of his desires; an 88-key electronic piano, a long-board and ibeats headphones -- all of which set me back quite a bit. It's amazing to think that he's a teenager. His age coincides with the death of my father-in-law, Tec and my mother and I often reflect on what they would have thought of him and the progress all the boys have made. What would they think?

And time rolls on. We just celebrated Martha's 51st birthday -- in a low-key way. AFter we both put in some time working, she and I just went out for a nice lunch, then went shopping for a den chair and groceries. Not very exciting, but the weather prevented a hike.

2011 Picnic Recap

Just completed the now-annual 'neighborhood picnic' or 'dam at the jam.' It's a production of practice beforehand and logistical headaches during. After sweating the few songs I had to perform, I drove the family minivan out for the sake of moving equipment, along with cameras. Fortunately, I didn't have to bring or rent any drums this year. Dan had decided that playing together was too difficult, so we loaded all my songs at the beginning and I played his drums left-handed for the first hour and then switched them back to righty for him to play the rest of the day. While I was hesitant about this arrangement at first, as an attempt to compartmentalize me (which it may have been), I actually liked this arrangement. Through Facebook and a Maine North high school reunion, there were some 300-400 people this year; many of whom were old friends I hadn't seen in decades. So the arrangement actually gave me more time to socialize -- though I was still stuck messing with cameras. There was also another side benefit of diminished anxiety. The songs I was doing were easier to begin with, I had some practice with the guys a few weeks before, I'd heard Dan's interpretations on some recordings, and now I was playing them earlier in the day, before there were too many people and I could get them over with. I actually surprised myself. Maybe it was because we've done it for several years, but right up until the time I sat down to play, I really wasn't a freakin' nervous wreck. (Of course, I still was during, which showed). This may have also had something to do with the atmospherics of the group. I'm not the only one who's had anxiety and frustrations. Dan and Matt have had to coach, console, mediate and manage a host of personality issues. Consequently, I detected a sense of "o.k., it'll be what it'll be" with a bit less pressure. And it helps suspecting that I'm one of the lesser personality problems in this bunch. Actually, my enjoyment was more just hanging out with Dan (stayed at his house two nights) and the other guys; as it really should be.

The Undiscovered Shore

On the final day in Michigan I ran a few miles in the morning and then jumped into Lake Michigan. The Lake was calm with just a few ripples, refreshingly cool and clear enough to see the bottom in more than five feet of water. The beach was bare and the water felt like silk. It was heavenly. People on the coasts worship the ocean-front and jam the shores to swim in gritty, vermin infested water. Little do they know the beauty and tranquility of these Great Lakes shores.

Summer 2011 Part II

After driving down to the cottage (Holland) we settled into the rhythms of Castle Park. The usual day included sleeping in late, a run or bike after breakfast, some pleasant reading (the paper or a novel);lunch, maybe a nap, then the beach, returning in time to fix a dinner eaten on the porch. The night is often capped with a walk to the "dance dune" to watch the sun set over Lake Michigan. None of this is exotic or adventurous, but it's a relaxing deviation from the normal routine...even if it is a new one. During a couple rainy days I took Patrick and Nathan to movies (Harry Potter; that last one - and Captain America). This year I was also terribly self-indulgent; rarely looking at my e-mail and going through four books (at right) that were nothing more than cotton candy.

During the first few days Jamie and his girlfriend, Mimi, drove out, Martha's sister, Betsy, came up from Chicago, as did her daughters, Allison and Carolyn, for a family luncheon to celebrate a "significant" birthday for their mother; the kids' 'grammy.' The kids were asked to say something special for their grandmother and I was especially proud of Jamie's thoughtful tribute to her.

Usually one of my favorite experiences is to thrash through and body-surf in the Lake Michigan waves with my sons. But with Chris still in Wisconsin, Jamie in and out and a combination of weather and diversions, it didn't happen. Sadly, those events may become rarer in the future.

During the weekend in the middle of our trip, I drove over to Chicago to practice with the "picnic group." I visited with Danny the night before and went over some of the ten tunes I'm playing on, which was enormously helpful. But nothing could prevent the anxiety and jitters of the next day. While I muddled through, my friends were keenly aware of my reluctance and were kindly reassuring. At the end of the day, I'm enormously grateful for their continued patience.

Now it's back to D.C. and the grind, with some big new responsibilities, trials and headaches.....but that's for another blog!

Summer Drill

The summer of 2011 is already half over with a slew of developments. In early June we put Christopher on a flight to be a 'counselor in training' at Camp Highlands in northern Wisconsin. A week later we put Patrick and Nathan on a flight to go up there as campers. Then Martha and I looked at each other; alone without kids for the first time in some 20 years. Fortunately, Marth lined up some distractions. The evening we dropped them off we went to a play in Winchester; "Curtains," that starred Dotty Stevens, Patrick's drama coach. A great show and facility. For the July 4th weekend, Martha booked us at Pipestem Resort in West Virginia, with a quirky little tram system that transported us down into a gorge with our room and a wonderful restaurant. We hiked, rode our bikes, I played golf and went to the pool. West Virginia is a weird state,though - a study in contrasts. The facilities were "adequate", and it's amazing that the state supports an extensive park/resort system. On the other hand - or maybe because of it -- we were constantly amazed by the people. At the risk of being a snob, most of them are overweight and crude. It made us more grateful for what we have.

During the workweek, my friend Ray McCurdy came into D.C. with his son, Dan, and I drove them around; visiting Ford's Theater, Arlington Cemetery and tried Mt. Vernon - eventually winding up with some beers outside the Hawk & Dove.

After making a trip up to New York for an LLS management meeting, we set out on July 12th for an extended vacation. First stop was Tom & Joan Smith's place in Indiana for a wonderful stay and where, coincidently, Martha was able to visit a supplier for Tailored Living. Our next drive was up to Camp Highlands to pick up Patrick & Nathan. We so looked forward to this. Not just to see them; but also to visit one our favorite spots on earth. There's something about both the northwoods and the atmosphere of Camp that is so refreshing. And Camp is such a growing experience for them. We were struck by their both their character development and support for one another. Chris -- who had helped lead an overnight trip with Patrick's cabin - made a point of telling us how proud we should be of them. Patrick carried more than his fair share, and Nathan "graduated" basketball; quite an achievement. And before we left he was voted most "Honored" camper by his peers. Really jawdropping for us. We let Chris know that we were actually very proud of him. He was clearly enjoying his freedom; but was also fulfilling his responsibilities. He was clearly vigilant about his duties and we had numerous comments from the owners and counselors that he was doing a great job. It is a great atmosphere and experience for him and we were gratified to hear he was happy to stay there with the second term.

But we could only stay two precious nights. We left Chris behind to work the second session of camp and took the other two boys to Manitowac to board a carferry across Lake Michigan. The owner of the S.S. Badger is also a Castle Parker, so we were given a stateroom with a couple beds and tour of the bridge. Very cool.

Chicago Weekend

Last month I had a business meeting in Chicago (CDC) on a Thursday-Friday, so decided to stay over the weekend. Those first couple nights I stayed downtown at a Wyndam off Michigan Ave and was able to see my friends Wade Nelson and Ellen Warren for a drink, then go to Andy's jazz club. And just as satisfying, ambled around the area and hung out in cafe's writing. On Saturday, though, I headed out to my aunt's and then went to Bob Allen's and then Dan's to go over some "picnic" music. Dan was very helpful, if not a bit domineering.

Bob, however, has begun to seriously try my patience. He kept me in a discussion outside his house until 1:00 a.m. babbling on about 9-11 conspiracies, "chem-trails" and other nonsense. I've been brutally frank with him, pointing out that he's uneducated and has no ability to evaluate any of this information. Barely a high school education, no college; he refuses to read books, magazines or newspapers (the jaded mainstream media), has never been in any management position or position on responsibility...but understands how these things could take place by watching RT (Russian) television and reading internet blogs in his basement (?!). My inclination is try to persuade him that these theories are just lunacy, but I'm afraid he's beyond that. He's uneducated and doesn't know what he doesn't know.

On Sunday I went back to his house to practice with him and Matt. The practice was reasonable; but then Bob launched into a couple more delusions. They are embarrassing to even recount; but the first was that the recently arrested IMF leader, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, on charges of sexually assaulting a hotel housemaid was simply a conspiratorial trap by the banking establishment to keep him from pushing some monetary policies. Never mind that the guy has a history as a sexual predator or that both matching saliva and sperm DNA were found (but since Bob doesn't pay attention to the 'mainstream media' he would never know that). The other - which forced me to abruptly leave -- was an assertion that a conspiracy of bankers manipulated the Civil War and were responsible for Lincoln's murder. Now, I've read a lot of Civil Was histories, but I've never come anything that had any mention of the influence of bankers. But, in Bob's mind, everything is about manipulation of our lives and events by bankers.

I had been hopeful that Bob would tire of this nonsense, but I'm afraid he blew a mental circuit a few years ago; maybe because he's a frustrated, middle-aged white guy who feels victimized by forces he doesn't understand. So my respect and certainly loyalty have worn very thin.

I just went back to my aunt's house. When I walked in, she was cleaning up a plate of food she's dropped while trying to get back to her room. I had intended to talk to her about coming out to visit us in VA, but she was way 'into her cups' and beyond having a real discussion with -- at least that she'd remember. This is a problem that Jack and I are going to have to resolve eventually -- and there are no good answers.

Since I had to get up early, I excused myself, said goodbye and went to bed. The next day I was relieved to get on that plane and come home.

Spring 2011

An update on the last couple months: As shown in the video and pictures, Patrick was one of the leads in "Seussical, the Musical", playing Horton, the elephant. He and the other kids did a tremendous job and we were immensely proud of him. More importantly, he bonded with a great crowd of kids and also found a calling in drama; which really does fit his personality --(exuberant, joyful and loud!). And even more pride-inducing, he managed to maintain a straight A average. Nathan finished his basketball season as one of the best on his team (Trojans) and was selected for the Loudoun all-star team. This is really his sport. But following lacrosse try-outs it was disappointing that he didn't make the "A" team. That's shown during the season as he has outshined everyone on his lacrosse team. With some reluctance, we've agreed to let him play football in the fall. He's such a passionate jock and does so well at it; giving 110% all the time.

We are, of course, also proud of Christopher (17) because of his diligence and even disposition; working two jobs, volunteering at an animal shelter, playing in jazz band at school and maintaining a good B+ average. And like his brothers, continues to take both private lessons and work in a rock band in Loudoun Music. But he's also succumbed to some temptations that have gotten him in trouble. Smoking pot, for one thing, with some friends who had the hammer dropped on them. What's more, he's used his ADD medications in inappropriate ways. AND, during our drug-testing of him, found that he'd faked the results. Normally, we might be somewhat tolerant of this. But the zero tolerance consequences in his school would mean expulsion (then we'd have to pay for a private high school) and jeopardizing his college prospects. Not to mention the risk he might be taking with our vehicles. But the worst aspect was a feeling of loss of trust,and even betrayal. So we took away his phone, iPod, internet access and limited his mobility. We even canceled a college tour trip to the Tidewater to illustrate that we don't believe he's quite ready for that level of independence. After some store-bought drug tests have shown him to be clean (we hope), we've given most of it back. He recently took the SATs and we're hoping we can renew the prospect of college.

Matt Osterholt and his wife, Assunta, came to visit during the middle of April and I spent three days driving them downtown and around the countryside, including Harper's Ferry, Middleburg and Skyline Drive. They got a 'scratch the surface' kind of look - but a good one for the time they had. I probably talked their heads off, since it was nice to have a friend who shared some interests -- though it also included some anxiety-inducing discussions about musical performance and obligations that I've taken exception to.

For spring break the five of us went to Cacapon Resort in West Virginia, staying in an interesting rustic log cabin. We went hiking, golfing and skeet shooting (though Nathan got hurt with the rifle recoil). The whole experience was a nice reprieve for mom.

The more important things - my projects -- continue with springtime chores. I've gotten some trees and grasses for the hill, lilacs for the side, and rhododendrums for the back. I'd planned on doing more, but I've now hurt my foot (??) and am laid up. I'd thought it might be gout, but am now concerned it's a stress fracture from playing my bass drum pedal too hard. Hopefully, it won't disrupt my trip to Chicago next week(!?!)

Balance in Time

On the aforementioned chaotic schedule, I taken to recommitting myself to a schedule of structure (for the umpteenth time and usually fulfilled only on exception) - finding some strength and a bit more discipline in age. It helps that I've taken a more liberal attitude toward working from home. I'm able to get to the gym more often -- and try for every other day. The other components include; practicing the drums every other day; household chores, projects & gardening on Saturday; writing projects on Sunday morning; music recording - primarily on Sunday evenings; working on video projects on Friday; and catching up on web-based projects whenever possible through the week. The obvious challenge with this is that I'm not the master of my schedule. The kids have complex transportation needs and other obligations frequently make this kind of regiment impossible....and probably well it should be. But it does give me a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment.

The RatRace

The year has started off with a bang and is building momentum. Everyone in the household is busy and we're juggling schedules. Martha is learning her new job - closet designs - and learning how to balance it with household management.

Chris is working two jobs - Endless Summer Harvest (a hydroponic lettuce farm) and Pump It Up (a kid's party palace), takes private bass lessons, is in a music school band (the Epics), is in jazz band at the high school and is organizing his own Ska band with some friends. He's also volunteering at the local animal shelter - a nice resume builder and learning how to drive.

Patrick is taking private piano lessons and is in a music school band (The Court of Soul), is one of the leads in a middle school play (Seussical),which rehearses almost every day, and is attending another session of cotillion; much to his disappointment.

Nathan, the resident jock, is the all-star player on his team, with practices two nights a week and Saturday games. He just finished lacrosse evaluations and much to our disappointment didn't make the "A" team. But at least he'll be busy with it through the spring. He's also taking private drum lessons and has now been asked to be in a music school band (name, yet to be determined) making him the youngest band member in the school. But between the three of them, music lessons are costing us a small fortune. I think we're sending Frank Keim's kids to college.

It's gotten so crazy that Martha has taken to posting a weekly schedule on the fridge so we have some idea of where and when we're supposed to be. And we'd like to get some skiing in again before the end of the season.

January 2011

I'll get back to using this as a journal instead of a social soapbox (below). For that I have http://gigspad.blogspot.com/ (Slippery Slope). The events have high and low points. After an exhaustive search, Martha has found a job. Back in sales with a firm that is actually a sister company of her current employer, Budget Blinds, it focuses on organizational design components; closets, offices, garages, and appears to be easier to work and more lucrative. So on one hand, we can count on making some financial headway, but it will be full-time a juggling act for us to manage. But the boys are older and we need them to step up to the need.

The most pleasurable event was a reunion of Dixon staff at the Monocle. Charlie Smith and Scott Schearer organized it. Mary Dahm and her husband Keith came in for it and Kevin Gillogly showed up - among others. We passed cell phones around talking to the Senator and Gene Callahan and reminisced about old times. A wonderful evening.

Speaking of the Paranoid

Per that last entry about the emptiness of the right's agenda and its domination by bizarre paranoid fantasies; today Harold Myerson had an editorial in the Washington Post on the very subject -- Land of the Paranoid. This is especially relevant as it comes on the heels of the Tuscon shooting which, despite their denials, is a direct result of this kind of demonizing and polarizing ranting.

The Vapid Right

I don't usually post social commentary here....but in some cases, it seems appropriate:

Two columns recently together offered a wonderful illustration of what's so seriously wrong with the Republican party -- especially as dominated by the delusional right wing. Steven Pearlstein in the The Washington Post on Jan 6 published Let's Kill This GOP Canard in which he wonderfully itemizes the complete lack of common sense, financial and employment sense, public health sense, and even decency that animates what passes for Republican policy. He notes that much of the intransigence smacks of McCarthy era redbaiting and "rather than contributing to the political dialogue, it is a substitute for serious discussion. And the fact that it continues unabated suggests that Republicans are not ready to compromise or to govern." The reason for that disposition was wonderfully described by E.J. Dionne in The Post on the same day with "Conservative Advice for a Congress of Professors," in which he observes that the Republican leadership (and especially their grassroots) is animated by abstractions; idealized theories that are worshiped with no practical value. As Dionne says, "Their rhetoric is nearly devoid of talk about solving practical problems - how to improve our health care, education and transportation systems, or how to create more middle-class jobs. Instead, we hear about things we can't touch or see or feel, about highly general principles divorced from their impact on everyday life." We hear the same old canards....cut taxes (even while ignoring ballooning deficits), cut spending, tort reform as a remedy for health care. There seems to be a complete and overriding denial of anything that is inconvenient or conflicts with the ideology -- whether it is factually based or not. The Speaker, unbelievably, adheres to this notion the America has the best health care system in the world, when in fact it repeatedly rates below at least a dozen other countries and at double the cost! The best we can hope for is that their rhetoric is pandering to their base (as insulting as that is) who rally to fantasies of an idealized past that never existed and paranoid demonizing of enemies who they need "to take our country back from." If that's the case, maybe there's hope that there's some rationality lurking under the vapid surface.