2013 Opening

Here's hoping that 2013 is a lot better than 2012. Aside from the LLS massacre, family problems have cropped up again. I spent the better part of December in Chicago - over two driving trips - sorting through some problems with my aunt. She has been like my mother since I was about fourteen (which is another story), giving me opportunities and support that otherwise may have left me in worse shape. My brother Jack reported that after several falls she'd developed dementia and after a rough episode had to be taken to the hospital. From there she was admitted to Lexington, a long-term care nursing facility, where she was given a room on the top floor with all the Alzheimer's patients. It was a shock to see her the first time. Only 72 buts looks 100. Frail and stooped, she was delusional; hallucinating and confused. It's especially depressing because you can't really have a conversation with her. She may think I'm someone else and lives in other worlds, as though her brain is firing off from memories or fantasies in arbitrary ways -- but not the here and now. So visiting her is a futile affair. She's slowly deteriorating, but in many ways it's like she's already dead. And that finality was driven home as I sorted through the house and her affairs. On the first trip I interviewed three real estate agents to put the house on the market, rented a dumpster to start throwing the accumulation of junk in the house, interviewed an estate sale firm, had the two cats put to sleep (very depressing, brought clothes to good will and spend hours sorting through financial papers and cleaning out closets and drawers. It was a physical and financial mess. I ended up spending about 10 days there on the first trip, but needed to get back from a job interview...which turned out to be a waste. The second, between the holidays, was primarily focused on getting my aunt's car for Christopher. During the first visit, my brother Jack - a very handy guy - installed new front brakes, changed spark plugs, the oil and other fluids. This second drive included Chris and two of his friends, Ellis and Alex, and we drove straight through to Lake Zurich in about 13 hours. That was a Thursday. The car still had several needs and on Friday morning I was determined to knock off as many as possible. And it turned out to be a day of productivity for the record books. First, I dropped it off at an interior detail shop (it stank and was filthy!), then drove to Secretary of State's office in Libertyville to get title and registration taken care of, then picked the car up and over lunch called to get insurance coverage. Then went to Best Buy to have a stereo installed - which had to be done at 4:00. So in the meantime we went to Mexico Muffler and Brakes (a real hoot!) which took care of exhaust problems in less than two hours; then back to Best Buy. The car was legal and pretty good to go, so Chris and his buddies went to visit his cousins in Evanston...and ended up staying there for the next four nights. His aunt Betsy was very patient and when I picked them up on New Year's day brought her some fruit and flowers. We stayed at the Smiths on the way back and had some other minor repairs done before we hit the road back to VA. Chris now has a car of his own to get to school and help us with transporting his brothers. I did some other clearing out of my aunt's house and will no doubt be going back at some point; if for a funeral if nothing else. The house is under contract, thank god, which means we'll have to arrange an estate sale pretty soon. Hopefully that will not require my return, but who knows.

Fall Transition

After returning from Castle Park, we had two weeks at home as the summer wound down. The fall always seems like a new year, with the start of school and new chapters for all of us. Christopher left for Iowa to start a ten-month program with Americorps - as a part of FEMA (which as of this writing appears pretty dismal and boring). Patrick started high school, with an ambitious schedule to accommodate his desire to be in both jazz band and musical theater.....and requires me to take him to a separate high school at 7:30 each morning. Nathan starts 7th grade and has already started hockey and he'll likely make the basketball team again. So our schedules will be consumed by sports. (And he even has the two of us embroiled in a 'fantasy football league' that will be a time-suck.) Martha's work has picked up, which gives her satisfaction and helps the household balance sheet. As the end of August approached, "The Picnic" loomed ever larger. I became more focused on my song assignments and planning for the trip to Chicago. For better or worse, I wasn't nearly as anxious about my performance as in years past; either because I passed muster last year or because I felt pretty confident in handling this year's selections, or because I'm also feeling more comfortable with my friends and the support network they offer. After having done this seven years now, I've gotten more comfortable with the process, the people and the expectations. And I'm undoubtedly a better drummer than I was seven years ago -- as Danny observed. I drove out to Indiana on Thursday the 30th and stayed with the Smiths -- and had to endure watching the Republican convention with them. On Friday I drove to Chicago and met Wade and Ellen at "the former Ricarrdo's" on Rush, then headed up to my aunt's. Bright and early Saturday I met Dan for breakfast and then set up the garage and drums for the day-long practice. I had a few hiccups -- mostly due to Bobby "distractions", but they didn't seriously shake my confidence. The day of the Picnic Dan, Lynn and I went out for breakfast, then made it to Dam #1 by 8:30 for set-up. Again, I felt fairly relaxed -- at least compared to past years -- but the whole day went remarkably fast. And it was extensively documented. The pattern and growing tradition continued; going back to Bob's after tear-down with Doug and Fran picking up fried chicken as all of us verged on adrenaline-drained collapse. On Monday, like everyone else, I recuperated, but took a few hours to drop in on Dan and download some of the video discs -- that will keep him occupied for months. That evening I took my aunt out to dinner at Hackney's. She is noticeably declining and I'm increasingly concerned about how my siblings and I are going to handle her very complicated - and compromised - situation. On Tuesday I headed back to Indiana to stay with the Smiths. Wednesday I did the long 10-hour journey back to Virginia, taking my time with several stops. I thoroughly enjoyed the drives out and back, with no obligations or distractions I was able to both enjoy the moments and think about a number of things. Among them the job search. Now that the August break is over, the kids have started school and the Picnic is finished, it's time focus full time on the next chapter of my career.

Summer Passages

We spent an extended period -- three weeks -- at our summer place in Castle Park, Michigan, leaving in late July and staying until mid-August. With just Patrick and Nathan it seemed we were traveling lighter; a sign of things to come. I made a routine of jogging down to Macatawa every other day, alternating with running down to the Castle to work on job-hunting. The ritual rhythms fell into place easily; runs to grocery stores, late afternoon treks to the beach, fixing dinner for the family, watching the sunsets on the Dance Dune. Fulfilling what we increasingly see as our contribution, I spend periods painting some porch furniture, the boys did some cleaning chores for their grandmother and Martha helped her sort and clean out cabinets and closets (whew!) While this was the "high-season", Castle Park seemed decidedly quieter. There was a "July Jubilee" and a "Burger Broil" and even a cocktail party or two, with quite a few people we knew; but the Park is much less the social bee-hive is used to be. Especially during the last week most folks seemed to be renters. We ended up seeing The Dark Knight Rises twice so Nathan could see it (He was on a fishing trip when Patrick and I saw it.) After a violent night-time storm we had a beach day with 6-8' swells that made body surfing a gas. Jamie and Mimi came for a few days, but unfortunately, they had some crummy weather. Nathan and I drove over to Chicago for the last weekend, mainly to pick up Christopher who came down on a bus from Camp Highlands ending his counseling session. But it was also to meet my childhood buddies to practice for our "Neighborhood Picnic" gig on Labor Day weekend. We stayed with Aunt Carroll, took her out to dinner and had a nice visit. On the drive back from CP, we left Chris so he could have a bit more time there and we stopped at Tom & Joan Smith's in Indiana; a wonderful break where the boys got to shoot a .22 and drive 'the Gator.'

Summer Rhythms

After being without them for three weeks, we were grateful to pick up Patrick and Nathan from National. They were full of enthusiasm and stories; clearly gaining a lot from the camp experience. They've since fallen into the summer rhythm of sleeping late and hanging with their buddies. We've had visits to orthodontists and dentists and a few fun outings. Martha and I went to Alexandria to meet my friend Paul and his wife, Lori, at a nice Greek place. Paul offered up tickets to a Nationals game the following week that I took Nathan and his buddy, Daniel, to see. (Patrick declined). A few days later Martha and I took Patrick to see Westfield High School's production of "Anything Goes" (Nathan declined). A really stunning production, far exceeding anything normally associated with a high school play. Then last night we walked over to 21st Street in Purcellville for the first wine and food festival and visited with neighbors and friends. Quite a success and hopefully will be repeated. Now we're preparing for the trip to Castle Park where we'll spend the next three weeks.

To Date.....

A few months later.... So far 2012 has had some decidedly high and low points. Nathan finished off a first year of being in the travel basketball league; a significant honor. Then he went on to lacrosse where he had a number of his friends as teammates. Patrick won the role of Daddy Warbucks in the production of Annie and even agreed to have me shave his head for the role. A brave move that made me proud. Both of them performed in the Loudoun Music Instruction spring recital at Franklin Park -- both as soloists and in bands. Martha had begun working in a Home Exchange network and we went to Blowing Rock, NC in early April to a beautiful mountain home. In May we suffered an unexpected blow when LLS fired the entire public policy staff and me. I've since been grappling with the implications, but that's for another blog. In June Christopher graduated from Loudoun Valley High School. Jamie came up from Richmond for it and we enjoyed some low-key celebration. Right afterwards, Chris took off for Camp Highlands to work as a counselor for the summer. With school out, Patrick took part in a production of "Guys & Dolls" where he was a drunk, a gambler and a Cuban dancer. Nathan had a week of basketball camp. As a special treat, we took them to the Kennedy Center to see "Memphis", their first real Broadway show experience. They both then left for their three weeks at Camp Highlands; leaving Martha and me alone (!) For the first week we did another house exchange with a couple in Easton, MD A beautiful spot on the water where we rode bikes, explored St. Michaels and Oxford and relaxed. When we got back we went to see a Dolly Stevens production of "13" - which Patrick would have been in if not at Camp.

2011 Year-End

Egads, what a lapse. One of the most striking things about the holiday season was a trip to Chicago. Dropping our usual routine of skiing on Christmas Eve and celebrating with our family, we decided it was past due that we make the trek back to to Chicago and visit the extended family. Aunt Carroll, Grammy, and Uncle Da-Da are getting older and the cousins hadn't seen one another in years. It was dependent on Jamie, because we couldn't leave him in Richmond for Christmas. Fortunately, he decided to come with all of us in the minivan on December 23rd.

Betsy graciously let us stay in her home; Martha and me in the basement, Chris and Patrick in a spare bedroom and Nathan in with little 4 year old Teddy; who proved to be somewhat obnoxious. Jamie stayed with Allison and her boyfriend in her apartment.

On Christmas Eve we went up to Aunt Carroll's where she hosted my side of the family. The family X-mas is not as glorious as it once was, with piles of presents and extravagant frills. But it did have a more 'fun' element, and even though - or maybe because - gift-giving is limited to 'white-elephants' there is less pressure and more openness talk and enjoyment of one another. In that regard, it was heart-warming to see an interest by all the cousins in getting to know and appreciate one another. They are all very different and don't really know each other. But they know they have a connection and are making the effort to strengthen it.

I was especially proud of my sons during the evening. They exhibited a self-confidence and solidarity that made both Martha and me proud. Regardless of their achievements individually in contrast with their cousins (and they still have many) they seemed to demonstrate a more developed sense of confidence. And it was clear that they had a strong bond with one another.

We had the same experience on Christmas Day at Betsy's the following day - though in a slightly different context. During the day Chris went to visit with Jamie and Allison at her place. I took a walk with Patrick and Nate (they on their new skateboards) along the lake behind Northwestern University. It was blissful. Not too cold. Christmas Day. No obligations - no expectations. Everyone off. I luxuriated in the opportunity to savor the moment looking out over the lake with my sons.

As the evening developed we were joined by Aunt Maxine and her daughter Mary, Martha's cousin. I was extremely proud of my sons as they dutifully introduced themselves and engaged with an elderly relative. Their cousins, however, did not conduct themselves well. Allison got upset with her sister and stormed out of the house, boycotting Christmas dinner. And Carolyn closeted herself in her room without seeming to understand her obligation to be part of a family dinner -- and abruptly left when she was finished eating. (If our boys had done either of those things, we would have chewed them out).

The following day - the 26th - we met my brother Tom, Jerry and Matt for lunch in downtown Evanston. We then went to the Shedd Aquarium - though because we borrowed season tickets from Michelle only Patrick, Nate and I ended up going. Martha went to a Starbucks with her Uncle Dave. We met them later and they dropped me off at Catch 35 where I met Michael Pelletier. It was a somewhat controversial meeting because of the bitter divorce between him and Betsy. For the most part we just caught up with each other's lives, the kids activities and compared notes on experiences and perspectives. We have a lot of similarities in outlook -- especially in how to handle the kids issues -- and he remains, in my opinion, a good and decent fellow.

After leaving Michael, I walked over the Hubbard to meet Jamie at Andy's Jazz Club. Jamie was late, but when he showed up we sat at the bar, had a couple beers and had a wonderful conversation. It's a great pleasure to begin to connect with him as an adult. I'm become more proud of how he's approaching his life.

Since we were leaving early the next morning, Martha and Betsy decided to comedown and pick us up.

Early the next morning - the 27th - we hit the road back to Virginia; a 13+ hour odyssey. While we'd expected to the trip to be difficult, filled with bickering and trouble, it actually turned into a warm bonding experience between the us and the boys - and them with each other. Maybe it was the shared challenge of facing the relatives or the contrast with their cousins; but we came away feeling much more solid as a family unit.

Developments

Over the past month we've seen school start, the routine and task list begin with new developments for new ages. Chris and I took a trip down to Christopher Newport University in Newport News. It's very new, very clean and very grand. It's also very staid and sterile. We both pretty quickly noticed that it's also fairly conservative and preppy. If VCU is the edgy end of the VA college spectrum, this is the other end. No tatoos, piercings and even sloppy bulletin boards. Just a lot of izods, docksiders and skirts. So much for that one. Early November we visit Radford and Longwood.

Setting the stage for an exciting school year, Nathan made the 'travel' basketball team, which is the top team. He's thrilled and we're proud. In the short term, he's playing both hockey and basketball. He also needs to realize that he'll no longer be the star of the team, but that playing with better players will make him better. He also continues to take drum and band lessons.

Patrick has just begun taking voice and acting lessons from Dolly Stevens, which together with his piano and band lessons puts him on a solid musical track. Dolly has also just announced that the middle school play will be "Annie," which Patrick should have a good shot at joining. For his 14th birthday, I got him most of his desires; an 88-key electronic piano, a long-board and ibeats headphones -- all of which set me back quite a bit. It's amazing to think that he's a teenager. His age coincides with the death of my father-in-law, Tec and my mother and I often reflect on what they would have thought of him and the progress all the boys have made. What would they think?

And time rolls on. We just celebrated Martha's 51st birthday -- in a low-key way. AFter we both put in some time working, she and I just went out for a nice lunch, then went shopping for a den chair and groceries. Not very exciting, but the weather prevented a hike.