2011 Year-End

Egads, what a lapse. One of the most striking things about the holiday season was a trip to Chicago. Dropping our usual routine of skiing on Christmas Eve and celebrating with our family, we decided it was past due that we make the trek back to to Chicago and visit the extended family. Aunt Carroll, Grammy, and Uncle Da-Da are getting older and the cousins hadn't seen one another in years. It was dependent on Jamie, because we couldn't leave him in Richmond for Christmas. Fortunately, he decided to come with all of us in the minivan on December 23rd.

Betsy graciously let us stay in her home; Martha and me in the basement, Chris and Patrick in a spare bedroom and Nathan in with little 4 year old Teddy; who proved to be somewhat obnoxious. Jamie stayed with Allison and her boyfriend in her apartment.

On Christmas Eve we went up to Aunt Carroll's where she hosted my side of the family. The family X-mas is not as glorious as it once was, with piles of presents and extravagant frills. But it did have a more 'fun' element, and even though - or maybe because - gift-giving is limited to 'white-elephants' there is less pressure and more openness talk and enjoyment of one another. In that regard, it was heart-warming to see an interest by all the cousins in getting to know and appreciate one another. They are all very different and don't really know each other. But they know they have a connection and are making the effort to strengthen it.

I was especially proud of my sons during the evening. They exhibited a self-confidence and solidarity that made both Martha and me proud. Regardless of their achievements individually in contrast with their cousins (and they still have many) they seemed to demonstrate a more developed sense of confidence. And it was clear that they had a strong bond with one another.

We had the same experience on Christmas Day at Betsy's the following day - though in a slightly different context. During the day Chris went to visit with Jamie and Allison at her place. I took a walk with Patrick and Nate (they on their new skateboards) along the lake behind Northwestern University. It was blissful. Not too cold. Christmas Day. No obligations - no expectations. Everyone off. I luxuriated in the opportunity to savor the moment looking out over the lake with my sons.

As the evening developed we were joined by Aunt Maxine and her daughter Mary, Martha's cousin. I was extremely proud of my sons as they dutifully introduced themselves and engaged with an elderly relative. Their cousins, however, did not conduct themselves well. Allison got upset with her sister and stormed out of the house, boycotting Christmas dinner. And Carolyn closeted herself in her room without seeming to understand her obligation to be part of a family dinner -- and abruptly left when she was finished eating. (If our boys had done either of those things, we would have chewed them out).

The following day - the 26th - we met my brother Tom, Jerry and Matt for lunch in downtown Evanston. We then went to the Shedd Aquarium - though because we borrowed season tickets from Michelle only Patrick, Nate and I ended up going. Martha went to a Starbucks with her Uncle Dave. We met them later and they dropped me off at Catch 35 where I met Michael Pelletier. It was a somewhat controversial meeting because of the bitter divorce between him and Betsy. For the most part we just caught up with each other's lives, the kids activities and compared notes on experiences and perspectives. We have a lot of similarities in outlook -- especially in how to handle the kids issues -- and he remains, in my opinion, a good and decent fellow.

After leaving Michael, I walked over the Hubbard to meet Jamie at Andy's Jazz Club. Jamie was late, but when he showed up we sat at the bar, had a couple beers and had a wonderful conversation. It's a great pleasure to begin to connect with him as an adult. I'm become more proud of how he's approaching his life.

Since we were leaving early the next morning, Martha and Betsy decided to comedown and pick us up.

Early the next morning - the 27th - we hit the road back to Virginia; a 13+ hour odyssey. While we'd expected to the trip to be difficult, filled with bickering and trouble, it actually turned into a warm bonding experience between the us and the boys - and them with each other. Maybe it was the shared challenge of facing the relatives or the contrast with their cousins; but we came away feeling much more solid as a family unit.

Developments

Over the past month we've seen school start, the routine and task list begin with new developments for new ages. Chris and I took a trip down to Christopher Newport University in Newport News. It's very new, very clean and very grand. It's also very staid and sterile. We both pretty quickly noticed that it's also fairly conservative and preppy. If VCU is the edgy end of the VA college spectrum, this is the other end. No tatoos, piercings and even sloppy bulletin boards. Just a lot of izods, docksiders and skirts. So much for that one. Early November we visit Radford and Longwood.

Setting the stage for an exciting school year, Nathan made the 'travel' basketball team, which is the top team. He's thrilled and we're proud. In the short term, he's playing both hockey and basketball. He also needs to realize that he'll no longer be the star of the team, but that playing with better players will make him better. He also continues to take drum and band lessons.

Patrick has just begun taking voice and acting lessons from Dolly Stevens, which together with his piano and band lessons puts him on a solid musical track. Dolly has also just announced that the middle school play will be "Annie," which Patrick should have a good shot at joining. For his 14th birthday, I got him most of his desires; an 88-key electronic piano, a long-board and ibeats headphones -- all of which set me back quite a bit. It's amazing to think that he's a teenager. His age coincides with the death of my father-in-law, Tec and my mother and I often reflect on what they would have thought of him and the progress all the boys have made. What would they think?

And time rolls on. We just celebrated Martha's 51st birthday -- in a low-key way. AFter we both put in some time working, she and I just went out for a nice lunch, then went shopping for a den chair and groceries. Not very exciting, but the weather prevented a hike.

2011 Picnic Recap

Just completed the now-annual 'neighborhood picnic' or 'dam at the jam.' It's a production of practice beforehand and logistical headaches during. After sweating the few songs I had to perform, I drove the family minivan out for the sake of moving equipment, along with cameras. Fortunately, I didn't have to bring or rent any drums this year. Dan had decided that playing together was too difficult, so we loaded all my songs at the beginning and I played his drums left-handed for the first hour and then switched them back to righty for him to play the rest of the day. While I was hesitant about this arrangement at first, as an attempt to compartmentalize me (which it may have been), I actually liked this arrangement. Through Facebook and a Maine North high school reunion, there were some 300-400 people this year; many of whom were old friends I hadn't seen in decades. So the arrangement actually gave me more time to socialize -- though I was still stuck messing with cameras. There was also another side benefit of diminished anxiety. The songs I was doing were easier to begin with, I had some practice with the guys a few weeks before, I'd heard Dan's interpretations on some recordings, and now I was playing them earlier in the day, before there were too many people and I could get them over with. I actually surprised myself. Maybe it was because we've done it for several years, but right up until the time I sat down to play, I really wasn't a freakin' nervous wreck. (Of course, I still was during, which showed). This may have also had something to do with the atmospherics of the group. I'm not the only one who's had anxiety and frustrations. Dan and Matt have had to coach, console, mediate and manage a host of personality issues. Consequently, I detected a sense of "o.k., it'll be what it'll be" with a bit less pressure. And it helps suspecting that I'm one of the lesser personality problems in this bunch. Actually, my enjoyment was more just hanging out with Dan (stayed at his house two nights) and the other guys; as it really should be.

The Undiscovered Shore

On the final day in Michigan I ran a few miles in the morning and then jumped into Lake Michigan. The Lake was calm with just a few ripples, refreshingly cool and clear enough to see the bottom in more than five feet of water. The beach was bare and the water felt like silk. It was heavenly. People on the coasts worship the ocean-front and jam the shores to swim in gritty, vermin infested water. Little do they know the beauty and tranquility of these Great Lakes shores.

Summer 2011 Part II

After driving down to the cottage (Holland) we settled into the rhythms of Castle Park. The usual day included sleeping in late, a run or bike after breakfast, some pleasant reading (the paper or a novel);lunch, maybe a nap, then the beach, returning in time to fix a dinner eaten on the porch. The night is often capped with a walk to the "dance dune" to watch the sun set over Lake Michigan. None of this is exotic or adventurous, but it's a relaxing deviation from the normal routine...even if it is a new one. During a couple rainy days I took Patrick and Nathan to movies (Harry Potter; that last one - and Captain America). This year I was also terribly self-indulgent; rarely looking at my e-mail and going through four books (at right) that were nothing more than cotton candy.

During the first few days Jamie and his girlfriend, Mimi, drove out, Martha's sister, Betsy, came up from Chicago, as did her daughters, Allison and Carolyn, for a family luncheon to celebrate a "significant" birthday for their mother; the kids' 'grammy.' The kids were asked to say something special for their grandmother and I was especially proud of Jamie's thoughtful tribute to her.

Usually one of my favorite experiences is to thrash through and body-surf in the Lake Michigan waves with my sons. But with Chris still in Wisconsin, Jamie in and out and a combination of weather and diversions, it didn't happen. Sadly, those events may become rarer in the future.

During the weekend in the middle of our trip, I drove over to Chicago to practice with the "picnic group." I visited with Danny the night before and went over some of the ten tunes I'm playing on, which was enormously helpful. But nothing could prevent the anxiety and jitters of the next day. While I muddled through, my friends were keenly aware of my reluctance and were kindly reassuring. At the end of the day, I'm enormously grateful for their continued patience.

Now it's back to D.C. and the grind, with some big new responsibilities, trials and headaches.....but that's for another blog!

Summer Drill

The summer of 2011 is already half over with a slew of developments. In early June we put Christopher on a flight to be a 'counselor in training' at Camp Highlands in northern Wisconsin. A week later we put Patrick and Nathan on a flight to go up there as campers. Then Martha and I looked at each other; alone without kids for the first time in some 20 years. Fortunately, Marth lined up some distractions. The evening we dropped them off we went to a play in Winchester; "Curtains," that starred Dotty Stevens, Patrick's drama coach. A great show and facility. For the July 4th weekend, Martha booked us at Pipestem Resort in West Virginia, with a quirky little tram system that transported us down into a gorge with our room and a wonderful restaurant. We hiked, rode our bikes, I played golf and went to the pool. West Virginia is a weird state,though - a study in contrasts. The facilities were "adequate", and it's amazing that the state supports an extensive park/resort system. On the other hand - or maybe because of it -- we were constantly amazed by the people. At the risk of being a snob, most of them are overweight and crude. It made us more grateful for what we have.

During the workweek, my friend Ray McCurdy came into D.C. with his son, Dan, and I drove them around; visiting Ford's Theater, Arlington Cemetery and tried Mt. Vernon - eventually winding up with some beers outside the Hawk & Dove.

After making a trip up to New York for an LLS management meeting, we set out on July 12th for an extended vacation. First stop was Tom & Joan Smith's place in Indiana for a wonderful stay and where, coincidently, Martha was able to visit a supplier for Tailored Living. Our next drive was up to Camp Highlands to pick up Patrick & Nathan. We so looked forward to this. Not just to see them; but also to visit one our favorite spots on earth. There's something about both the northwoods and the atmosphere of Camp that is so refreshing. And Camp is such a growing experience for them. We were struck by their both their character development and support for one another. Chris -- who had helped lead an overnight trip with Patrick's cabin - made a point of telling us how proud we should be of them. Patrick carried more than his fair share, and Nathan "graduated" basketball; quite an achievement. And before we left he was voted most "Honored" camper by his peers. Really jawdropping for us. We let Chris know that we were actually very proud of him. He was clearly enjoying his freedom; but was also fulfilling his responsibilities. He was clearly vigilant about his duties and we had numerous comments from the owners and counselors that he was doing a great job. It is a great atmosphere and experience for him and we were gratified to hear he was happy to stay there with the second term.

But we could only stay two precious nights. We left Chris behind to work the second session of camp and took the other two boys to Manitowac to board a carferry across Lake Michigan. The owner of the S.S. Badger is also a Castle Parker, so we were given a stateroom with a couple beds and tour of the bridge. Very cool.

Chicago Weekend

Last month I had a business meeting in Chicago (CDC) on a Thursday-Friday, so decided to stay over the weekend. Those first couple nights I stayed downtown at a Wyndam off Michigan Ave and was able to see my friends Wade Nelson and Ellen Warren for a drink, then go to Andy's jazz club. And just as satisfying, ambled around the area and hung out in cafe's writing. On Saturday, though, I headed out to my aunt's and then went to Bob Allen's and then Dan's to go over some "picnic" music. Dan was very helpful, if not a bit domineering.

Bob, however, has begun to seriously try my patience. He kept me in a discussion outside his house until 1:00 a.m. babbling on about 9-11 conspiracies, "chem-trails" and other nonsense. I've been brutally frank with him, pointing out that he's uneducated and has no ability to evaluate any of this information. Barely a high school education, no college; he refuses to read books, magazines or newspapers (the jaded mainstream media), has never been in any management position or position on responsibility...but understands how these things could take place by watching RT (Russian) television and reading internet blogs in his basement (?!). My inclination is try to persuade him that these theories are just lunacy, but I'm afraid he's beyond that. He's uneducated and doesn't know what he doesn't know.

On Sunday I went back to his house to practice with him and Matt. The practice was reasonable; but then Bob launched into a couple more delusions. They are embarrassing to even recount; but the first was that the recently arrested IMF leader, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, on charges of sexually assaulting a hotel housemaid was simply a conspiratorial trap by the banking establishment to keep him from pushing some monetary policies. Never mind that the guy has a history as a sexual predator or that both matching saliva and sperm DNA were found (but since Bob doesn't pay attention to the 'mainstream media' he would never know that). The other - which forced me to abruptly leave -- was an assertion that a conspiracy of bankers manipulated the Civil War and were responsible for Lincoln's murder. Now, I've read a lot of Civil Was histories, but I've never come anything that had any mention of the influence of bankers. But, in Bob's mind, everything is about manipulation of our lives and events by bankers.

I had been hopeful that Bob would tire of this nonsense, but I'm afraid he blew a mental circuit a few years ago; maybe because he's a frustrated, middle-aged white guy who feels victimized by forces he doesn't understand. So my respect and certainly loyalty have worn very thin.

I just went back to my aunt's house. When I walked in, she was cleaning up a plate of food she's dropped while trying to get back to her room. I had intended to talk to her about coming out to visit us in VA, but she was way 'into her cups' and beyond having a real discussion with -- at least that she'd remember. This is a problem that Jack and I are going to have to resolve eventually -- and there are no good answers.

Since I had to get up early, I excused myself, said goodbye and went to bed. The next day I was relieved to get on that plane and come home.